Saturday Night Fun for the Separated Mom

It's 9:04 on Saturday night. Munchkin went to bed at 8:00 and instead of studying for the CPA exam that I have been trying to pass for the last 5 years ... what am I doing? Why looking at Match.com. 

So, yes, I am married and I plan to stay 100% faithful until the..well if or when the divorce occurs. I certainly don't believe that being of 'separated' status gives you free single reign. But in the meantime I was just curious to see what is out there. I mean, what does divorced look like these days? 

As luck would have it, there is a 'currently separated' as one of the search criteria. I could imagine that only other 'currently separateds' would be even interested in these individuals. I searched from ages 30-40. What a train wreck. I've come up with a few tips for those separated and wanting to go on Match.com....


1. Do not post a picture of yourself in your cube. This says...'Hey ladies, just want to let you know I am not important enough for an office'. 


2. Do explain why you are on Match.com while still married. It can be as simple as 'waiting for divorce papers to be finalized'. You at least need to let the reader know whether or not the divorce is in process or you just plan to be eternally separated.


3. Do not select the 'I'll tell you later' option under the 'Have Kids' question....this tells me that you either have 6+ kids and 90% of your paycheck is going to go to child support, or you've screwed so many girls without protection that you are unaware of how many mini-me's you got floating around out there. Next.


4. Do not say "I am a single man.....". You're not single....you're separated...so you are also a liar.


5. Try to say something that does not apply to all human beings. A good majority of profiles said...'I like to laugh and have fun'...who the hell doesn't?


6. Avoid cell phone shots taken in front of a mirror...they just look creepy...as do photos in which the camera is 2 inches from your face. Oh and save Halloween costumes and tattoo photos for a drunken night together. The point of the photo is to pick one of the best looking photos of yourself in hopes that your profile will be read. If these are the best you've got, then you must look really bad and probably shouldn't be trying to find someone on a superficial site such as Match.com. I would suggest Craigslist.


7. Don't make excuses for anything, even if there is a valid excuse. Like someone said 'almost got my master's but work got in the way' ...UGH no wonder you're separated. 


8. Do not exude anything that sounds like you're having a midlife crisis. Even if you are...no one wants to be in the middle of your mess...we all have problems of our own and if you're suddenly trying to 'find yourself' again....it ain't happening.


Was this really representative of the divorced/separated pool? I think I am scared to find out.